How would you feel if you woke up one day like a completely
different person with an identity you knew nothing about? This has actually
happened to me... My story begins one morning in November 2013
when I woke up in a nightmare. The world around appeared completely different
simply because my perspective was radically changed – literally and
metaphorically as well: I was seeing double! As I haven’t had any problems with
my vision in my entire life, I blamed the tiredness and I was sure that it will
eventually go away - which did happen but only for a short while...
For the first couple of weeks the double vision episodes
lasted for only about 10-15 minutes first thing in the morning. Gradually the
images came into one and I was back to normal. I was completely freaked out and
went to my doctor urgently. They referred me to an optometrist which performed
a series of routine tests just to conclude that my eyes looked healthy and
there didn't seem to be any ophthalmological issues. Good news but bad news was
just about to come...
More investigations started on the neurological side after
repeated blood tests for thyroid and diabetes (potential causes for double
vision) showed no abnormalities. There was a long list of other possible
causes some of which were life threatening such as brain tumours or possibly a
stroke. Doctors had soon eliminated all these with a series of scans (X-rays,
computed tomography and angiogram) performed at the A&E department in one
day. It was the day I actually realised that something was going really wrong
in my body. My mind became very distressed as well. I had a panic attack
earlier that day which didn't help clarifying the symptoms as I started to feel
pins and needles in my left arm and face (which could have been as well related
to high anxiety levels triggered by increasingly upsetting double vision
episodes). This was because the double vision was there all the time now
especially worse when I was looking down or left. In another couple of weeks it
deteriorated to the extent that I couldn't see clearly when I was looking
straight ahead.
Doctors recommended me wearing an eye patch as I was able to
see perfectly with either my left or right eye (known as binocular diplopia).
First I was too stubborn to wear one maybe because I was still in denial and
was hoping that things will get better eventually. Or maybe I was bothered by
the thought of appearing in public with an eye patch (ah, appearances, and
jokes about cyborgs, pirates and so on...). The aesthetic reasons faded away
shortly and after another panic attack I realised that I couldn't cope without
an eye patch. Honestly, I couldn't wink forever to people just to make sure I
see them normally! Only if that helped... First I tried the surgical patches
which irritated my skin after long hours of wearing them. Then I tried to
attach a fabric patch to my glasses (which I started to wear only for this
purpose). I purchased this from the Internet and it seemed to work better and it
didn't press my eye too much. I am still wearing it after more than one month
now and almost got used to it. To note that I need to cover my right eye otherwise if I cover the left one I can't keep my balance when walking. The supplier provided me with the wrong colour
but trust me this was not an issue anymore! It was already the New Year and a
new look was on its way...
I'm very passionate about photography so if you are familiar
with DSLR lenses then you will understand the comparison between a manual focus
and my vision. It felt like someone was changing my ‘lens’ settings all the
time. It could have been clear for a minute then it went double again or blurry
or a combination of those. It varied for different distances which made things
even more confusing and disorientating (especially when I was walking). Most of
the time was a ‘bokeh’ effect especially at night. Some people pay good money
for Photoshop but I had mine attached to my brain and the ‘special’ effects did
not stop to mesmerise (and terrify) me...
Doctors tried their best and approached my case from both
the ophthalmologic and neurological perspectives. The neurologists first
suspected Multiple Sclerosis (I even had a provisional diagnosis of
internuclear ophtalmoplegia) and only the thought of having it has made me
extremely anxious. Long weeks of MRI scans and waiting for the results...
Conclusion: my scan was pristine and there were no signs of brain lesions. Next
they tested my blood for Myasthenia Gravis (or more exactly for acetylcholine
receptor antibodies). First test was not performed correctly and had to wait
another month or so to have my blood tested again. This time the result were positive without any doubt. It was the day when I discovered that I might have a life
companion...
